Greetings to all of you beautiful peoples! It has been over a year since I've blogged anything at all, let alone anything heartfelt or noteworthy. Well, I don't promise heartfelt or noteworthy today, either ... but I have some emotions that need to be expressed. Brace yourselves, people, brace yourselves. I have been without my anti-depressant medication for almost two weeks now. Not by choice, as some have assumed, but rather for an extreme lack of organization and budgeting skills. I thought I had more, but the 2nd bottle that was tucked away in the medicine cupboard was .... are you ready for this ... an EMPTY bottle. Yep. That is how organized we in this family are. *sigh* Our insurance requires that we go through Express Scripts to get said medications ... which takes a few days to process and be delivered. However, one must have the necessary funds in one's bank account in order to order said medication for it to be processed and delivered. So, here I sit ... almost 2 weeks with no medication, riding an extremely fast rollercoaster of volatile emotions ... a rollercoaster which is made up of several severely steep downward spirals. *sigh* I am having difficulty finding any joy at all. My house is a mess (yes, I'm aware that almost everyone makes this claim, but in our case we actually should be nominated for an episode of Clean House or Hoarders. True story.), my kids are disrespectful and lazy, *I* am lazy and just overwhelmed. It is easier to hide at the computer and not attempt to do any housework. Our finances are a disaster, we never have any money in savings, I have no idea what we will do or how we will survive when Jim Dear must retire... My kids are not going to be able to take care of us, because they have inherited our inability to budget, save, and work for what we want. Diva Girl - I don't know if she will ever end up with a really good paying job or if she will ever go back to school to be a Veterinarian or a Vet Tech (which is her career desire, I guess). Game Boy - he is SO smart, above average I.Q. --- but won't apply himself or work for good grades. He should be a 4.0 student - he really is THAT smart ... but he is inherently lazy. Not a good combination. I have encouraged him and talked to him about the need for academic scholarships since he was in middle school, but he just doesn't seem to get it. WE HAVE NO MONEY FOR COLLEGE!!! NONE whatsoever! We cannot help him out and that just breaks my heart and makes me feel even worse than anything. So if he isn't going to work for it, he is literally screwed and condemning himself to a lifetime of jobs that will help him to barely get by and that he will not enjoy, not to the fullest. My therapist tells me I can't take on the weight of the world, that everything cannot possibly be my fault. But .. I know that it is. I have screwed up so much in my life and with my kids that I have prevented them from reaching any of their true potentials ... I have created lazy, selfish monsters. Game Boy says he believes in God, has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Savior and says he loves Him. Diva Girl went through the motions as a child, but has never really lived it. Roo has no idea at all. We have brought him up in church, but he has lived through some of the worst of my depression, of times when we just decide we'd rather stay home from church and we don't read the Bible with him ... he doesn't see us read it at all because ... we don't. I know, we say we are Believers but we don't dig out our Bibles at home. See? I totally suck. I am ruining any chance my kids have ... and life is too hard. It is so very, very, very hard. I had weight loss surgery in February. I was doing quite well ... and then I thought I'd try a bite of Easter candy. Oooh, that went down well, so let's have another. Then one night, at the theatre, I thought I'd have a sip of Coke. I survived. I was doing SO well with not even craving soda and now I am back to drinking it every day, wanting it all the time. And I wonder why I'm not losing weight. The first 6 months after WLS is the "honeymoon" period ... where most of the weight you will lose will come off. IF YOU WORK AT IT. So .. in my quest for self sabotage I am wasting my honeymoon period and I am NOT going to lose all the weight I need to. Why? Because I am a stupid, pathetic loser kinda person. Yep. Meh. This blog ... which hopefully has no readers anymore - because why, in all honesty, would anyone want to read this garbage? LOL I am putting all of myself out on the internet - somehow, I don't think it's really the best idea I've ever had....anyway, this bolg ... will hopefully be a bit cathartic for me. Doubtful, but one can hope.

Stay tuned for a post on friendship. I know, I know ... I rarely post here and I probably have no readers left. This is not your typical blog, in that I don't have much to say these days. I will never be one of those great bloggers, like the Food bloggers or the Crafty Momma bloggers ... or the SuperMom bloggers. I am just me. And I am struggling to accept that that's ok. LOL So ... if you are still out there and you still peek in on this blog occasionally, I thank you. And I will be posting very soon on the topic of Friendship. That is all. ;)

Disappointment

Disappointment. I am drowning in it today.

Jessicakes!

Check out Jessicakes! You'll love her work and her tutorials! Right now she is hosting a giveaway in honor of her many followers! http://jessicakesblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/prize-for-my-followers.html Go check her out!

Jane Austen (inspired) Reading Challenge!

I love reading. Just ask my husband and he will tell you that my love for books has almost pushed out out of our bedroom. (I'm not kidding) Yes, there ARE that many books in there! So, I happened across my friend's blog and discovered she was participating in a reading challenge for 2012. One that involved Jane Austen. Oh yeah, baby, you bet I ran right over to check it out:

www.existingstricky.blogspot.com/2011/12/explore-many-genres-of-jane-austen.html

So, here are the rules...

1. There are eight genres in this challenge. You need to complete one book from each genre.

2. The challenge runs from January 1, 2012 and ends December 31, 2012.

3. You don't have to choose your books in advance. If you do, you can change your list at any time during the year. Books can overlap with other challenges.

4. Books can be in any format - paper, audio, ebooks...it all counts!

5. You don't have to post a review, but I'm sure others would love to know about the books you are reading and may even want to add it to their reading lists.You can also join our group on Goodreads.

NOTE: If you don't have a blog and want to participate, that's fine. You don't have to have a blog, just post in the comments section as you finish books.

6. Comment below that you want to join the challenge. If you have a blog, please mention this contest and post a link to this page. ..

Variation Stories: An example of this would be "Darcy's Voyage" by Kara Louise. Essentially this category is for writers who have taken the original story, and changed it.

Sequel: An example of this would be books by Rebecca Ann Collins, books that follow the Darcy's or Knightly's or whomever after the original story ends.

Jane Austen as a Fictional Character:

Paranormal: An example of this would be "Jane and the Damned" by Janet Mullany. These are stories in which Jane Austen characters, or Jane herself, become or interact with vampires, sea monsters, etc.

Modern Adaptation: An example of this would be "Persuading Annie" by Melissa Nathan. Jane Austen's stories written in a modern time frame.

Mystery: A great series is the Mr. and Mrs. Darcy mysteries by Carrie Bebris.

Supporting Characters: These are books based on the supporting characters in the book such as Georgiana, Charlotte Lucas, etc. An example would be "Charlotte Collins" by Jennifer Becton

Books by Jane Austen: Many of you have become Austen fans through the movies, or maybe you are a die hard Pride and Prejudice fanatic. Read a novel by Jane: Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park, Persuasion or Sense and Sensibility. You could even read one of the incomplete works, such as Lady Susan, to complete this challenge.
Good luck and have fun!!

I have no title

Hello all you beautiful peoples. Yes, it's me ... I know you probably don't remember me, as I have not been blogging much. I have so many thoughts buzzing around in my head at any given time, and yet - when I try to write I find I have nothing to say.

All I can say write now is ... tomorrow is a brand new day, people ... a brand new day! :)

Love y'all!

STruggling

I am struggling so much today. My house is so messy, it should be condemned. My 4 year old is out of control - he isn't even likable most days because he is so belligerent and naughty and disobedient. I prayed for YEARS for this child and God blessed me ... and lately, most days ... I wish ....... *sigh*

I am fat.

I am mean and horrible and ugly.

Our finances are in the toilet. Worse than that, they have been flushed. Not because of a loss of a job or an investment gone bad. But because we are idiots. How will I feed my family for the next two weeks? How do I make these cakes that I volunteered to make?

Poor Cameron. He doesn't understand. All he knows right now is yelling and spanking, spanking and yelling.

I can't do this anymore.